There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
