She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
