Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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