I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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