am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
