Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
