I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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