I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize