After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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