not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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