I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
