You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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