Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
