I need help removing her.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
