hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
