What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
