sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
