Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
