My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
