My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
