I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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