Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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