you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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