I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
