I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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