I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize