Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
