Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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