that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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