You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
