Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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