I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
