sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am one with the molecules
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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