I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize