we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
