He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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