Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
