what day is it and did you see me today?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
