i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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