Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
