So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize