Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
