gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
