i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
