There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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