I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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