honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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