I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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