Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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