the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Alive.
So much puke
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
