A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
