Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
