My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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