the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize