He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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