There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
