Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
